Author: nadiaewestbrookcreative

Located in Perth, Western Australia I moved here from Aberdeen in 1999 so have enjoyed the beauty of both Scotland and Australia. First and foremost I am a Mother to my amazing 4 year old daughter. I do a combination of creative projects, social media influencing, blogging, photography and I am an aspiring writer in historical fiction/fantasy. I blog about different aspects of my life from writing projects to life as a Mum and everything in between.
#AustraliaStopDomesticViolence

#AustraliaStopDomesticViolence

nadiaewestbrookcreative

****Last week 6 Women lost their lives to Domestic Violence in Australia****

I myself have experienced domestic violence in more than one form and so will 1 in 3 women and 1 in 6 men. After all the deaths last week and not standing up for myself due to fear and feeling ashamed when I was put through such horrible things I need to make a stand. It is time for ALL AUSTRALIANS to make a stand and say enough is enough. On Friday October 12th 5:30pm WA time so 8:30pm Eastern states I am asking everyone to share your stories and support with the hashtag  #AustraliaStopDomesticViolence on your social media be it Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr etc to raise awareness to try help make a change to stop Domestic Violence in Australia. This is so families and friends don’t have to bury another loved one. So people feel safe to leave when they feel unsafe instead of feeling trapped. So the government steps in and stops cutting funding to the most vulnerable. Please save the date and set a reminder for Friday October 12th to share your support and help make change in Australia.

There are many forms of domestic violence:

  • Physical
  • Financial
  • Emotional
  • Verbal
  • Social
  • Sexual
  • Stalking
  • Spiritual

The number of people affected by domestic violence is sickening 1/3 women and 1/6 men so amongst your friends and family you will know several affected by domestic violence. Lets look at some of the stats first of all for women (stats thanks to White Ribbon Australia)

  • Domestic and family violence is the leading cause of homelessness for women and children
  • 1 woman on average will be murdered every week because of domestic violence
  • 40% of women continue to experience violence from their ex partner even after they separate.
  • 1 in 6 woman have experienced stalking
  • 1 in 2 Women will experience sexual harassment.

Children

  • 1 in 6 girls abused before the age of 15
  • Leading cause of homelessness in children is domestic violence
  • Children that experience DV to themselves or their parent have a higher rate of social and emotional problems than other children

The stats that really hit home that things are getting worse and that re-education programs for young people to target these issues need to happen are

  • 1 in 4 young people think its normal for guys to pressure girls into sex
  • 1 in 3 young people don’t think that controlling someone is a form of violence
  • 1 in 4 young people don’t think its serious when guys insult or verbally harass girls.

Violence against women is estimated to cost Australia $22 billion a year. That is with all the funding cuts the government continue to make putting more people at risk. The stats are sickening / scary and the cost of the violence is astronomical. The government need to get a plan in place for starters young people being educated about DV, the effects of DV and eradicating the sick toxic masculinity that’s rife in Australia. Toxic Masculinity is the pushed stereotype we see here in Australia that men and boys are not allowed to express certain emotions or not aloud to cry. Putting social expectations that they are meant to be tough aggressive alpha types that are uncaring and in charge. They are unable to explore who they are as very set lines of what men should be like and what women should be like. Its 2018 not the middle ages we are meant to evolve this Toxic masculinity needs to stop. Feeling emotions in a healthy manner is what we are meant to do not suppress them and become volatile. Telling kids they can’t feel things can turn them into ticking violent time bombs that explode when they get older. It doesnt help that DV is swept under the rug with people embarrassed to talk about it. NOW is the time to talk.

The police are at a loss with domestic violence between picking up people who have violated the terms of a VRO and then are released soon after by the courts to re offend and traumatize their victim. Police being called out to jobs at the same place several times as victims are afraid to leave for fear of homelessness or they have tried leaving before and have been stalked or mentally broken down by the perpetrator. The authority the police have only goes so far the court system needs to back up the work the police have done instead of slapping the perps on the wrist. I have friends that have lived in fear with their exs that violated the VRO 6 times in one case and still no charges were laid.

The Prison system when men are actually sentenced needs better re-education programs in regards to domestic violence to stop them re offending when they are out. Instead they are very much boys clubs egging each other on where prison guards have lost hope and stop reporting what prisoners say when they brag about re-offending when they get out. The system is very much broken. Then there are the women that finally stand up for themselves that are getting beaten by their partners and one day decide to grab a weapon to protect themself and they end up killing their abuser and end up in jail.

At the end of the day it all comes down to the abuser wanting control “Domestic violence can be dressed up, you can use fancy words, but it comes down to one thing. Control. The need for the offender to control the victim. And that need for control comes from their own inadequacy.” Sean McDermott.

This is so important to me to make change after living through 3 DV relationships.

  • The first being when I was only 15 where my boyfriend had isolated me from my friends and psychologically tormented me to the point I was an anxious mess. Then a week after he broke up with me and i thought i was free he broke into my home when I was getting ready for school held me at knife point and sexually assaulted me. I eventually got away and phoned the police. He was later charged with aggravated burglary only and a vro was put in place that he violated twice.
  • I was in another at the age of 19/20 that was Physically and Sexually violent and when I left him he stalked me for months after. I had to go over seas for an extended period to escape. He later married and did the same to his wife traumatizing her and their 2 children. She left after a very violent assault.
  • In more recent years I ended up in a DV relationship that was Emotionally, verbally and financially abusive.

4 out of the 6 women in my family have been sexually assaulted. A man close to me who does not wish to be named has been in 2 DV relationships where his partners assaulted him. After talking to friends the amount of others that have lived through domestic violence and sexual assault is too many to mention. We all have people dear to us affected by Domestic violence. The Violence needs to stop.

There are a few ways you can help make a difference to people affected by domestic violence. You could donate to local women’s shelters’. They always need clothing for women and children of all ages. You could donate to https://www.sharethedignity.com.au/ or https://youthoffthestreets.com.au to name a few.

If you need help you can call 1800 RESPECT

Allot of information about domestic violence can be found on http://theredheartcampaign.org/ or https://www.whiteribbon.org.au/

How many times are we going to  have to look to the sky and say goodbye to another lost to domestic violence. It is time for us as a nation to regain control of this epidemic to share our stories and support at the same time on Friday October 12th 5:30pm Western Australia and 8:30pm Eastern states so we can to make a difference and spark change by joining in. It is time the government and us as a nation stood together and said #AustraliaStopDomesticViolence

I hope the links are helpful and I hope to see everyone posting their stories and support with #AustraliaStopDomesticViolence

Nadia

xoxo

6 Months of Instagram

6 Months of Instagram

nadiaewestbrookcreative

This month marks 6 months since I started building my Instagram account in April. I went from a fairly inactive account with 250 followers to a very active account with a following of over 7400 now. I can’t believe how fast it has grown from just being me. It really warms my heart .

This isn’t one of my normal blog posts this is an appreciation blog to all the people who continue to inspire and teach me so many things. I have a thirst for knowledge and I am now surrounded by so many intelligent kick ass people. I went from 6 months ago being in a bit of a creative rut to getting a better life balance and having so many fabulous new people enter my life. Without them lighting that fire under me I wouldn’t be kicking goals like I am now.

I have joined a few different online communities of writers, bloggers, influencers and kick ass Mummas. I have networked and have met online and in person so many inspirational women that raise each other up and support each other in so many ways. Building my social media presence has got me out and about more.  Most recently to an influencer dinner which is where the photo above is from, where I met so many like-minded people. Building my pages and content has me learning and expanding on my personal and professional growth as well as helping me set goals and putting my life in perspective of, wanting to be better and do better. I have got to collaborate with people and companies I could only dream of and I see many more collabs in the future. I love being creative and now I get to work on that creativity every day.

My writing project on my first book is now coming along more than ever. As its historical fiction/ fantasy so loosely based around real places and times my research has really come together as well as chapters flowing onto the page. I cant wait to start sharing character info on the lead up to finishing my first draft. As well as my book my blog which I started fairly recently is also slowly building and I have a lot of topics im passionate about I will be posting soon.

What has got me in the roller coaster of learning the past 6 months is that my self growth is helping me be a better all round person and mother. I now have a clear path of what I  am doing and my plan overall is to do as my favourite quote “Leave the world a better place than how you found it” Sarah J Mass ( My favourite fantasy author) I want to make a difference with my writing, blogging and influencing. So I hope this inspires someone to do what they love and follow their passion as it makes your heart happy and life full.

Nadia

xoxo

Do you know the signs?

Do you know the signs?

nadiaewestbrookcreative

Sometimes life throws you lemons and other times it throws random stuff at you like Viral Meningitis. Viral meningitis is an infection of the membranes (linings) that cover the brain and spinal cord.  I am slowly in recovery mode after getting sick very quickly last Tuesday. I woke up feeling like maybe I had slept funny with a sore neck and bit of  a headache. As the day progressed it got worse and I ended up getting taken up to hospital in agonising pain.

On the way to the hospital I remember being very scared as I felt something was very wrong. I had never had pain like that before. I thought maybe its a brain bleed or something of that severity. I’m a single mum so was worried if it was something really bad what would happen with my daughter. She is everything to me. I was worried as I don’t even have a will drawn up or anything in place for her if anything happens to me. It was a very confronting and eye-opening moment. Like a lot of people do I was catastrophising in the moment being struck down with such pain.

After being given painkillers to help with the pain the doctor started doing their assessment. Neck pain, head pain, fever, light sensitivity, nausea, lethargic, shaking. These were all the symptoms I had. After hearing the doctor list them out it hit me just as She said it, I had Meningitis. They ran blood work to check my white blood cells that were elevated as well as a few other items they checked to confirm. In my case it was Viral Menengitis which is one of the less dangerous strains. As I was so run down already it was a very painful and debilitating case. I was given a choice stay under observation and be uncomfortable or go home and ride it out as all that could be done is to give me strong painkillers to help with the pain. I chose to go home. I have never slept so much as I have the past week. I avoid taking painkillers at all costs but in this case I did and even strong painkillers the doctor prescribed only took the edge off the pain.

I have never known anyone that has had any kind of Meningitis all I have ever known is what I have seen on the news or stories online. It has never affected me or anyone I know. It scared the hell out of me. That week I went from not knowing anything about it to learning about some of the different strains and how it is spread. You can get viral meningitis by breathing in viral particles that have been sneezed or coughed into the air by another infected person. You can also become infected by touching surfaces contaminated with the virus, or through contact with faeces (for example, by changing nappies) day care centers can be ripe with it and not even realise. Viral meningitis is easily spread from contaminated hands to your mouth. I also went from not knowing anyone affected to hearing of 2 other people through the grapevine that currently had it.

The point of this blog post is this could have been a very different story if it had been bacterial or one of the other deadly and more complicated strains. The doctor advised me of how Viral Meningitis is more common than we realise but a lot of people shrug it off as the flu. The severity if how it hits you depends on how well you are generally and if you are immunocompromised and/or run down. It isn’t always Viral though and Bacterial can be deadly. This is how people end up with complications as they shrug off symptoms until they are very severe or it comes on very fast. If you are feeling unwell follow your gut and see a doctor or go to hospital. If you are unsure of which depending on whats wrong there are great things like Health direct you can call for medical advise 24 hours a day.

After this scare and being informed by the doctor just how common it is becoming make sure you know the signs and difference between the flu and something more severe.

So know the signs :

  • fever
  • severe headache
  • drowsiness or confusion
  • nausea (feeling sick) and vomiting
  • neck stiffness
  • sensitivity to light

I hope that sharing this will help people be a bit more informed and conscious of this and even if it helps one person know the sings and get help for themself or a loved one my work here is done.

Thank you for reading

xoxo

R U Ok?

R U Ok?

nadiaewestbrookcreative

Today September 13th is R U Ok day. It is a day for suicide awareness and mental health. It is for staying connected and having meaningful connections and asking the all important question to the people around us R U Ok? This year more so than previous years this day has allot more meaning to me. I lost 2 friends within weeks of each other at the beginning of the year both tragically to suicide. They had both moved away from Perth for different reasons and had different issues they were both working through. Unfortunately for friends and family left behind they both didn’t feel like there was a way to work past their demons and decided it was their time to go.

I know from my own experience of PTSD and anxiety when I was younger from traumatic events how hard it can be to open up and reach out. I struggled with crowds and going out after the events and went through years of therapy. I felt for a long time reaching out was a sign I was failing. As I got older I realised that reaching out is a sign that I was realising that I needed someone to talk to help me process my thoughts and feelings. It’s a good and healthy thing to reach out. I swear by having a good therapist and knowing who my support people are that I can talk to about anything. Having a good support network is so important in taking care of your mental health. Also having coping techniques when times are tough are good for everyone to stay on top of mental health to stay healthy. My go to is making sure I stay healthy by going to the gym and exercising regularly and eating well. Healthy body healthy mind works well for me. Everyone has something that works for them it’s just finding it and sticking to it even if you are going through some stuff or feeling low in general. There isn’t always a reason for someone to feel low or down. It’s important to know what helps you. Everyone has different challenges in life and even if you have never had any mental health issues previously it can happen to anyone at anytime. From big life events happening to something more scientific with brain chemistry being imbalanced.

There is a lot of information on being healthy and looking after your body but not as much about keeping your mind healthy. So when looking up ways of staying healthy with different forms of exercise and different healthy eating plans/habits, look up different ways of keeping your mind healthy too. There is so many great ways with things such as  mindfulness, coloring in, meditation, counselling, positive affirmations, taking a beak, a holiday or even getting a good nights sleep all helps keep your mind healthy.

R U Ok day is a day to wear yellow for suicide awareness and keep your door open for people to have a chat. It is a day where we can take the power and take positive steps to improve our mental health. It is a day across the beautiful country we live in to put it out there to everyone that if they need a chat, or a friend to lean on to reach out. Reaching out is not a sign of weakness or admitting failure like a lot of people feel. Reaching out is the opposite, it is being strong and knowing when to ask for help. It is success in knowing your limits and knowing when to share the load. My door is always open for a chat or just to have company and support through life’s ups and downs.

Dating is a battlefield

Dating is a battlefield

nadiaewestbrookcreative

Now where should I start with dating in 2018? I would advise you to pull up a chair and pour a glass of wine for this depressing piece of literature. It serves as a testament to the shit storm that is dating in 2018. I am writing this from my perspective and I understand not everyone has had this jaded experience but I find a lot of my single friends have had a similar experience so this is why I chose this as my blog topic this week.

I have been single 3 years this September after my daughters father left when she was 4 months old. Adjusting to my new-found role as single mum and single woman in the online dating era I was in for a shock. I was unable to meet people out and about as I not only had a newborn but she was born premature and had some issues. My days were filled with specialist appointments and doing what they had recommended at home. There was no break there was just me. It took a while for dating to even come onto my radar. I was unable to get out and about to meet people like I use to. I was closed off from the world. So friends recommended I try Tinder and go on dates when my daughter was visiting her father. In theory this was a great idea……… wrong. In the first year of being single I went on a total of 3 dates 5 if you count the no shows that then ghosted me when they were meant to be arriving for organised dates.  Don’t get me wrong in 3 years I have made a couple of new friends from my online dating experience but not “the one”. I was soon to learn that in this modern dating era there doesn’t seem to just be a one anymore. The dating world today people seem to treat each other as disposable. I’m not meaning like my sexual goddess of a friend that dates freely and has amicable one night stands in mutual respect and understanding. I am talking about the distinct lack of etiquette and respect people have for each other. For example going on a few dates and people only seeing people until something better comes along and instead of being honest, either stringing them along , ghosting or other. So here are a few things I have learnt about dating in 2018.

Ghosting – is real and it happens to most that are online dating or dating in general. Ghosting is basically when you are talking to someone, you could have met them a few times or chatted lots online then all of a sudden they just disappear no response nothing its like they have disappeared off the face of the planet. Apparently this is modern etiquette. Being able to hide behind a screen and set someone to block because of a distinct lack of common decency. Honesty is long gone and having the etiquette to just say hey im not feeling it I wish you well but, see you later does not happen now. You are left guessing instead.

Bread crumbing – it’s what it sounds like someone plants some breadcrumbs to keep stringing you along. In this scenario you aren’t their first choice but they want to string you along as they like your company they just don’t want to seriously date you and can’t be honest with you.

Stashing – Is when you are someones secret partner you never meet their friends and family but the relationship continues with the dodging for what ever reason. I have a friend that has been in this position for over 5 years, They need to run and find someone who is proud to be with them and wants to share every aspect of their life with them.

Catfishing – well I think everyone has heard of this one. When the person that you have been talking to shows up on the date and it’s not the person on the profile. They have pretended to be someone else entirely.  It’s awkward for all involved just be honest with who you are.

Cricketing – Is when you leave someone on read just to toy with them instead of just responding like a normal descent human being. Its pretty much ghosting but they eventually respond when they think its to their advantage.

There are so many more terms than these in modern dating. I like to tell myself im single because Brock O’Hurn hasn’t met me yet or because Jason Mamoa and the Rock are both married but when it comes down to it, it seems in modern dating its like watching Jim Carreys Liar Liar people just can’t be honest.  So what I think is, you are better with animals. If you own your home go the cat lady dozen if you are renting maybe go with the cat lady half-dozen, In all seriousness dating in the online generation is beyond hard and heart wrenching when you are honest and wear your heart on our sleeve. It really is a battlefield and finding diamonds and unicorns seems to be more realistic than finding a genuine connection with someone who could become long-term and something truly special. How people treat each other is getting worse and it’s getting swept under the rug when it should be called out. I am luckily the type of person that doesn’t need someone. I just have the occasional time of weakness when I want someone in my life but, I am completely self-sufficient and happy with my life. Maybe one day I will find someone special but in the mine field of dating in 2018 I would rather focus on more important things than someone to tickle my pickle.

Lost Identity

nadiaewestbrookcreative

IMG_2165-4

The words “lost identity” have come up so many times in groups I am a part of lately. It’s a concept that resonated with my friends as well and even myself. There are many different reasons why people brought up their feelings of lost identity. From losing long-term jobs, to being stuck in a rut. The most common theme among most, including myself, is from becoming a parent. I am not speaking for everyone, but for some people, giving your all to the little person you created can mean losing yourself from time to time. Being a parent is not something I would change for the world, but making sure I still take a bit of time for self-care and to retain other parts of myself is something I need to prioritize more. Before having my daughter I was a Personal Trainer, internationally published model and University student. I needed to find my way back to doing things I enjoy.

My loss of identity I think started back in pregnancy. I had a tough pregnancy and my daughter was born premature at 36 weeks but stopped growing at 32. She was tiny when she born, weighing only 1.72kgs. I will go into this in detail in a later blog about the difficulties we faced. She spent 3 weeks in the Neonatal Unit and I spent every day with her. Having a prem baby, then becoming a single parent when she was 4 months old turned my world upside down. I didn’t have family around to help at the time and had 0 time to myself. I went from being a balanced person knowing my place in the world to having a new role as a mum to a prem baby that later got diagnosed borderline Global Developmental Delay (GDD)and Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). My daughter Abi is and always will be my entire world. To be the best mother I could be for her I needed to learn self-care. I swear by having a psychologist. They not only help you work through your thoughts but help you put things into perspective and its really eye opening. Through this I discovered mindfulness techniques to take time and relax once my daughter had gone to sleep and I had some time to myself. I found mindfulness great for relaxation. I could never do proper meditation as I didn’t have the patience -but mindfulness is good as it can be as simple as colouring in books. I did mindfulness colouring books as well as the smiling mind app which is short meditation mindfulness exercises. This helped me relax in hectic days even if I only had 5 minutes it helped me switch off and focus.

Over the past 3 years being a single mum I have had to find lots of little things that help me hold onto the person I am to try to retain my identity and the things that make me, well me. I have luckily had family move back to Perth a year ago so I have more help and support. This means I get the opportunity to go out and socialise. Every one has different hats they wear, I’m not just a mum, I’m a friend, a daughter, a writer, a single woman, a fitness enthusiast, a foodie, a creative and so much more. To help keep all the parts of me together, I need to maintain myself. Even if I can’t get out, I socialise with friends in group chats. I try to get out every few weeks just me to see friends and get out to playdates a few times a week so both Abi and I can socialise. We are social animals and it’s not healthy to be isolated.

I admittedly was stuck in a bit of a rut lately with Abi and I getting sick regularly and being house bound. Getting out and about and doing things is critical so you don’t get stuck in a rut but sometimes it can’t be avoided. To work around being home more I needed to find things at home for when Abi was asleep or out visiting that I could do. I have found my love of writing again. Im not just writing my blog and running my social media pages, I am also writing historical fiction/ fantasy and working towards my first finished book. The goal is to turn my love of writing into a published book series. I am back at uni, studying online, to slowly chip away at the remaining units of my business degree. By doing these things I help hold onto my identity by retaining parts of me like my creativity, education and career ambitions.

If you are worried like so many about loss of identity sit down with a pen and paper and write down what you used to like doing. What you enjoy doing now. What things make up you. What gives you your sparkle. For me its maintaining friendships, getting out and most importantly being creative. My creativity spills into every aspect of my life and makes it a lot of fun for my daughter with all the crafts we do that keeps us both happy. Dont think to yourself – I have lost my identity and don’t know what to do – it’s up to you to find what made you sparkle and smile, and find it again.

When you give so much you can’t be whole unless you take care of you too.

My leap into blogging

My leap into blogging

nadiaewestbrookcreative

What can I write? or what should I write for my first blog? I have been contemplating for months taking a leap of faith and starting my blog. My main issue was where do I start and what do I write about. I talked to friends and other social media people I have networked with and researched allot. The first piece of advice that always came out was have a niche, write and focus around one thing. Focusing on this advice took me away from the truth. No one focuses on just one thing in life. I have goals I want to work towards but no one is ever focused around just one at a time. Everyone is juggling so many things so lets start with what I am, I am a mother to my amazing, bubbly, kind and happy 3 year old daughter, I am an aspiring fantasy writer and blogger,I am a full time carer for my daughter as she has autism. I am also a social media Influencer on Instagram, I am an internationally published model, I am a university student in the last year of my bachelor of business majoring in management and sport management, I am a qualified personal trainer, I am a massive book reader etc I am so many things and these just name a few. So to pick one thing to focus on as a “niche”is insane in a world where we all juggle a million things and wear a lot of hats at once. My Instagram is filled with a mix of everything. So after long deliberation I would like to welcome you to my blog about my writing journey and life that happens inbetween. I hope you enjoy joining me on my writing journey as I develop as an author, blogger and a person in this busy world.

Nadia

xoxo