Taking a chance

Being single for a long period you always hear from people around you, oh you will meet someone, there’s someone out there for everyone. The truth is I like being single I find it easier and I’m happy with my own company and it just being my child and I. It would take someone very special to make me want to invite someone into our life.

There is a point in dating you do meet someone and think hey this one is something else…… I want to take a chance on this one. For someone single for so long and as a single parent it’s a huge leap of faith. It’s not just you, you risk getting hurt but also your child if they meet and get attached to this person. The fear of my child getting hurt by getting attached to someone and then leaving scares me more than myself getting hurt. In 4 years of being single I have only risked that once and allowing that vulnerability to really let someone in.

I’m the type of person that wears my heart on my sleeve I am honest, sassy and loyal. I am always open about what is going on in my life as I prefer people know me, no hidden layers just me in all my quirks and sticky life truths, it is a risky vulnerability. One I would rather take than hold back and have someone fall for only part of me then run when they see me in all my messy splendor.

The truth is everyone is a mess, everyone has a past, everyone has an ex. I think moving forward it’s how much weight you allow those things to invade your thoughts and feelings as to how much they affect your future. I have had a ridiculous amount of stressful things happen to me the past 4 years while being single but, I still push forward, keep positive the majority of the time and I choose how much I allow things to get to me because I have the power over what I allow to hurt me.

I think finding that strength is why I have finally started taking a chance on falling for someone. I have dated taken on the tinder battlefield and tried many of the apps. As a person I am always working on myself to be the best version of me. I think that’s why compared to the first blog I did about dating called dating is a battlefield back in August 2018 this is more positive than my jaded buy some cats blog post haha. To be honest getting cats is always a good option but it’s not the same as a deep human connection.

Taking a chance can be daunting and being vulnerable can be scary but also exhilarating. However things turn out taking a chance has made me feel alive, made me realize I can be open to something and that is a gift in itself. Life is taking one big chance after all. This year has a lot in store for me and I’m ready to take on it all no matter what the outcome as I want to live I don’t want to just tread water.

So for all those people in the same boat as me in singledom taking on dating and meeting people you have the power over what you want to do or not do. Life’s too short to not take chances let’s live, be free and enjoy what comes our way while having the power in ourselves to decide what chances we take as only we decide what breaks us and what lessons we will take on.

Dating is a battlefield

Now where should I start with dating in 2018? I would advise you to pull up a chair and pour a glass of wine for this depressing piece of literature. It serves as a testament to the shit storm that is dating in 2018. I am writing this from my perspective and I understand not everyone has had this jaded experience but I find a lot of my single friends have had a similar experience so this is why I chose this as my blog topic this week.

I have been single 3 years this September after my daughters father left when she was 4 months old. Adjusting to my new-found role as single mum and single woman in the online dating era I was in for a shock. I was unable to meet people out and about as I not only had a newborn but she was born premature and had some issues. My days were filled with specialist appointments and doing what they had recommended at home. There was no break there was just me. It took a while for dating to even come onto my radar. I was unable to get out and about to meet people like I use to. I was closed off from the world. So friends recommended I try Tinder and go on dates when my daughter was visiting her father. In theory this was a great idea……… wrong. In the first year of being single I went on a total of 3 dates 5 if you count the no shows that then ghosted me when they were meant to be arriving for organised dates.  Don’t get me wrong in 3 years I have made a couple of new friends from my online dating experience but not “the one”. I was soon to learn that in this modern dating era there doesn’t seem to just be a one anymore. The dating world today people seem to treat each other as disposable. I’m not meaning like my sexual goddess of a friend that dates freely and has amicable one night stands in mutual respect and understanding. I am talking about the distinct lack of etiquette and respect people have for each other. For example going on a few dates and people only seeing people until something better comes along and instead of being honest, either stringing them along , ghosting or other. So here are a few things I have learnt about dating in 2018.

Ghosting – is real and it happens to most that are online dating or dating in general. Ghosting is basically when you are talking to someone, you could have met them a few times or chatted lots online then all of a sudden they just disappear no response nothing its like they have disappeared off the face of the planet. Apparently this is modern etiquette. Being able to hide behind a screen and set someone to block because of a distinct lack of common decency. Honesty is long gone and having the etiquette to just say hey im not feeling it I wish you well but, see you later does not happen now. You are left guessing instead.

Bread crumbing  it’s what it sounds like someone plants some breadcrumbs to keep stringing you along. In this scenario you aren’t their first choice but they want to string you along as they like your company they just don’t want to seriously date you and can’t be honest with you.

Stashing – Is when you are someones secret partner you never meet their friends and family but the relationship continues with the dodging for what ever reason. I have a friend that has been in this position for over 5 years, They need to run and find someone who is proud to be with them and wants to share every aspect of their life with them.

Catfishing – well I think everyone has heard of this one. When the person that you have been talking to shows up on the date and it’s not the person on the profile. They have pretended to be someone else entirely.  It’s awkward for all involved just be honest with who you are.

Cricketing – Is when you leave someone on read just to toy with them instead of just responding like a normal descent human being. Its pretty much ghosting but they eventually respond when they think its to their advantage.

There are so many more terms than these in modern dating. I like to tell myself im single because Brock O’Hurn hasn’t met me yet or because Jason Mamoa and the Rock are both married but when it comes down to it, it seems in modern dating its like watching Jim Carreys Liar Liar people just can’t be honest.  So what I think is, you are better with animals. If you own your home go the cat lady dozen if you are renting maybe go with the cat lady half-dozen, In all seriousness dating in the online generation is beyond hard and heart wrenching when you are honest and wear your heart on our sleeve. It really is a battlefield and finding diamonds and unicorns seems to be more realistic than finding a genuine connection with someone who could become long-term and something truly special. How people treat each other is getting worse and it’s getting swept under the rug when it should be called out. I am luckily the type of person that doesn’t need someone. I just have the occasional time of weakness when I want someone in my life but, I am completely self-sufficient and happy with my life. Maybe one day I will find someone special but in the mine field of dating in 2018 I would rather focus on more important things than someone to tickle my pickle.