Lingerie – a self power move

So as a woman we find we have been programmed from years of advertisements that getting lingerie is a treat for the special someone in our lives. I say a big F@#& that and glad women are empowering women now and moving away from that mind set. I was shopping with a friend recently and I had not bought lingerie for a while and was in one of those treat yourself moods so I did. My friend was looking at a smoking hot body suit and she said there was no point getting it as she had no one to wear it for. Being the friend I am I said well that’s bullshit the one person you should be buying it for is YOU. You like it, it makes you feel sexy, it makes you feel hot and empowered buy it for yourself.

I feel lingerie can be a self power move in the sense that knowing what we are wearing underneath our clothes can make you feel confident and sexy. We need to retrain ourselves from years of misogynistic advertising that lingerie is only for a mans pleasure. When I get up in the morning I sure as hell dont pick my clothes or undies thinking about what a mans going to think. I think about what is going to make me feel good. It could be sweats and a t for comfort or a cute dress. I choose what will make me feel good that day.

In saying all this though there are still men that comment on what I am wearing or how I look when out and lets just say when I call them out on their misogyny it does not go down well. I normally say something along the lines of “I did not realize I would be seeing them that day, and I should have had my crystal ball that a stranger had decided that I should be wearing something different”. Doesn’t go down the best as these types of men don’t like woman that speak up. Times are changing but woman still are not treated as equals by many and feel our clothes and bodies are free for them to pass judgement/comment on. I will continue to call out these men that find me fair game to make comments as they are the problem.

Do not let others or lack of others decide what you wear or feel about certain articles of clothing. I got two new sets recently and love them both. I am also a photographer ever working on my skills and they made me feel good so I took some self portraits. We should all embrace what makes us feel good. The confidence I get from wearing a sexy little number under my clothes brings out my cheeky side and makes me feel more alive. So treat yourself and get things that make you feel good, that makes you feel empowered to be YOU.

An open letter to myself

A wise friend of mine I called when feeling low gave me some sage advise to write a letter to myself. I decided to share it. To share that rawness of what I needed to hear and what others may need to tell themselves to sooth their soul when it needs you to love every piece of it. When facing hurdles or struggles write a letter to yourself to remind yourself you are enough.

To me

You are enough, you are unique, you are creative, you are special, you deserve to be loved and that starts with loving yourself. You are normally bubbly and open, kind and caring. You let people in with the best hopes that they will return that openess. DO not give up on yourself or others just because some dont meet those expectations you set yourself. Dont let the pain of taking a chance and being burned close you off to other beautiful things in fear of getting hurt. You deserve love do not let the hurt win.

You are beautiful. What you see when you look in the mirror the imperfections and the health worries that weigh on you daily is not what others see. Listen to those around you when your inner dialogue is not so kind. The health worries and upcoming surgeries that make you feel ugly, insecure and worried that people will be disgusted with how you look. In these time’s of lows look through others eyes. They see big blue eyes that light up when you are happy or passionately sharing stories about the things you love. They hear a laugh that is contagious and makes them want to know more. They see you for all that you are and are not focused on the things you have zeroed in on and tear yourself up over. They see a daughter,a mother, a friend, a person that brings joy to them even in your darkest moments. They choose to be in your life when others walk away. DO not focus on the ones that walk away focus on the ones that stay. The ones that want you to succeed, to lift you up, to soar with you and climb into the cave of darkness when things get overwhelming. Not to pull you out but to sit and support you until you are ready to emerge stronger than before as you are ever evolving.

You are surrounded by love even in times you do not love yourself. You are not hard to love. You are loving, passionate, caring and kind. You want to make a difference to people, you want to inspire. So I choose me, to love myself, to inspire myself to push through on those days I feel stuck in quicksand. Listen when they tell you how strong you are when you face mountains everyday of being a special needs parent. The daily challenges of life. The fear of being stuck in the motions and lose of self. You may feel weak and it may get to you, but where you see weakness those around you see strength, they see someone facing giant hurdles with grace and humbleness. To come out the other side learning lessons and being stronger, becoming more than you were before. Remember no matter the hurdle even if it takes a while you reemerge like a blazing phoenix burning for life. When in the ash of the problems you face you will re emerge.

You are enough and deserve love, happiness, respect, safety ,security ,a positive future. Its ok to feel sad and low sometimes without those dark days there would be no balance and joy. Love yourself so you shine bright and light up those around you and remember there is always people that care no matter what struggles you face. You are loved, you are enough.

Mummy Mondays

I have a little tradition with another mum called Mummy Mondays. I met my friend through our children. We are both single mum’s of special needs children. We met through a school program the kids were both attending. We discovered we had a lot in common with being first time Mum’sย who are also single Parents of a child with Autism.

It is hard having your first child friendship circles change people you thought were friends drop off as you move in different circles and you have to find your feet as you adjust to a new part of your identity as a mother. Just as you are finding your feet from becoming a first time mum you end up a single parent. The same thing happens again friends drop off while friendships adjust to the separation. Being a woman you have to deal with the stigma of being a single Mum. Believe me this is very much still a thing. People assume being a single mum you are hungry for another man. Assumptions are made. Oh she must have chased him away. Oh she must have cheated, She must be after everyones husbands now as she wont want to raise a child alone. Oh she has a different last name from her child bet she has lots of kids with different surnames. Oh she must get another man so she is take care of. So many assumptions I wont even list them all. All I wanted to do was focus on my daughter 3 years later and I am still single and not interested in dating properly as my focus is my child and working on my writing. I’m not someone who needs a partner its nice if the right person comes along but that’s just not my focus or a priority im happy on my own.

It takes a while to adjust to becoming a first time mum and becoming a single parent. Just as you think ok ive got this you start noticing that your child isn’t hitting milestones the way they should be and there is unusual behaviors. I had a feeling she had autistic traits and made sure I spoke to the child health nurse and pediatrician. She was first diagnosed with borderline global developmental delay before later being diagnosed with Autism.

My friend went down a similar path and we got talking at school and become friends. Neither of us really got time to go do fun things just as adults. We were lacking much needed self care time. The kids both go to the same day care on a monday for socialization. So we made Mondays a self-care day where we would go do something fun. We generally go to the shops and/or go to the movies maybe grab a bite to eat. Just time to hang out and get some much-needed time out. Self care is so important and being a mum of a special needs child with multiple specialists, NDIS and all the stuff that needs to be done at home to help early intervention self care is needed to ensure I don’t burnout . It is exhausting. Dont get me wrong I am extremely proud of my daughter and how far she’s come she amazes me everyday but, I need time out to re energize so I can be the best mum I can be for her. It is so important for everyone to have some self care time. You can’t help fill everyone’s cup if your cup is empty. So make some time to smell some flowers or better yet get yourself some flowers and enjoy them brightening up your house. Make some time for you can be as simple as taking 5 and doing some mindfulness or taking a day like we do and just have some fun. Laughter and socializing is good for the soul. Make some time for you.

Nadia – xoxo